I had thought that putting together a playlist for this race would be fun. Today I thought of a better idea -- the Inaugural Torture the Runner Charity Event. This charity is political in nature. I'm more liberal than Evo Morales, so you Bill O' fans should stop reading, NOW.
What's the "Torture the Runner" Charity?
It's quite simple: you can buy time on my iPod that I must listen to while I run the race. Ideally, I will suffer. For example, you could buy a Queen song, or a Bee Gees song. You can supply a recording of yourself, telling me I'll never make it. Whatever.
When is it?
The race is October 20. You have until October 14 to submit your torture.
Which charity have you picked?
THIS PARAGRAPH IS A PLACEHOLDER. Proceeds go to ACTIVATE Grand Rapids, a counter-recruitment effort in Grand Rapids, MI. They are a chapter of SDS. The money goes to a scholarship fund which sends a kid to college, rather than to war. Yes, this is a lefty charity.
I don't like your politics.
That's not a question. If you'd rather send kids to Iraq than to college then try sending your own.
Your charity sounds like fun. How much?
There are multiple price points:
Each minute of the race costs $3.60. Minutes are always rounded up. For instance, you could buy "Bohemian Raphsody", by Queen -- it tracks in at 5:55. That'll cost you $21.60 (6 x $3.60 = $21.60). A song clocking in at 5:05 will still cost you $21.60 (hey, it's cheaper than phone sex).
My daily workout routine usually runs anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. For $10.00 a minute you can buy one minute of a 50-minute set that I have to listen to every day I work out until I run the race. Think about it -- for $500.00 you could make me listen to Meat Loaf's "Bat out of Hell" FIVE DAYS A WEEK for the next two and a half weeks. I know I've pissed some of you off bad enough that you're itchin' to do this. Did I mention that most people I know are Internet dorks who make way too much money?
BONUS: for $250, plus the cost of shorts, I'll wear nothing but Umbro's while I run. We're getting close to prostitution, folks. I'm not exactly comfortable going "au naturale" in mixed company. I have a lot to apologize for when I do.
I'll even have someone snap a photo. You have to buy the Umbros, though. For $750 you can have the Umbros back, unwashed. The $750 is a joke -- the photo isn't.
To review:
- $3.60 a minute for race-day control of my ears. 70 minutes, plus whatever doesn't sell @ $10.
- $10.00 hijacks a minute of my race AND my training runs. 50 minutes total.
- $250.00 forces me to run in mixed company wearning nothing but short shorts.
If you can't tell, I'm trying to raise $1,000 to keep a kid out of Iraq.
Torture YOU? With MUSIC? How?
I own somewhere around 1,000 CD's, so I probably have many of yours. However, I have "eclectic" tastes in music. Most people say I have "terrible" taste in music. If you really want to torture me, then pick something mainstream. You can try picking:
- Top-40
- Chamber music
- Rock operas
- Pop country
- Christmas music
- Pretty much anything on a mainstream radio station.
If you still need help, then try here: Billboard archives You can submit ANYTHING in MP3 format.
How do I pay?
Simple: click the button, and leave a note about your song / clip selection. Remember to round up.
Do send an e-mail to my personal address: gswallow@gmail.com, when you pay. That way I can make sure I know who you are, and what you want to do to me.
You say the "proceeds" go to this scholarship. Please explain?
The proceeds include EVERYTHING but paypal fees, which run around 3%. 97% of your donation will go to the scholarship fund. The only exception is the Umbros, which you must pay for.
How do I know this is for real?
I will review every song on the playlist. I'll also post the playlist for everyone to "enjoy" on this site.
Can I request a specific timeslot?
Sorry, no. The order will be larger donors first, followed by people I know most personally, followed by everyone else. Both lists of people will follow chronological order.
What can I submit?
ANYTHING! There are a few rules / suggestions. First, your submission must be in mp3 format. Second, please pay for the song you want to force upon me. Don't steal. You can supply whatever you want. You can make me listen to Nancy Reagan give "Just Say No" speeches. Again, the rules are wide open!
What if I stumped you?
Pshaw. Soulseek has EVERYTHING.
What if you liked my song?
You lose. Better luck next time :)
What if you trip/fall/get hit by a bus before you run?
Things happen. If, for some odd reason, I can't run on October 20 and I'm healthy, I will make the day up. Trust me -- I do NOT want to miss this race. If, god forbid, I am NOT healthy, then proceeds still go to the charity, and I'll listen to your playlist from the hospital.
Thanks in advance, everyone, for helping out. Stay tuned to this site for official details.
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